brittney, twenty. lover. fighter. freedom. change.|
I can’t stand what is becoming of my life.
One piece away from falling completely apart, I push myself every day to get up and put that smile on.
This May, it’ll be three years since I graduated high school, I have nothing to show for it.
This April, I’ll be twenty-one, I don’t feel twenty-one. I feel forty-one with a side of midlife crisis.
I don’t even know where to begin anymore. I don’t know if I’m coming or going. Everything is beginning to blur together. All I know is every day the sun comes up is one day closer to dying. Maybe that’s a tad morbid, but it’s true.
Right now, I have nothing to look forward to. Sure, I look forward to my birthday or Christmas or getting married to the man I love or having a family or anything like that… but you have to have money for all of those things. That’s something that’s running thin nowadays.
The way my life is going, I’ll be lucky if I ever get a head of anything.
I would spend hours and hours and hours at work. I could work a twelve hour shift punch out and come back in three hours later to work another twelver.
I transferred stores and I know it’s only been a week… but I don’t even want to be there for an hour. I never thought I would say this… but I hate my job. I know a lot of you are saying “Well, it’s just a job.”
To me it’s more than that.
I loved my job before I transferred. I transferred to move up… but I don’t want to move up there. I transferred to try and fix my relationship… but I think it can be fixed another way. I transferred because it was close to home… Distance never bothered me.
I keep telling everyone that I’m going to give it six months…. I don’t think I can make it six months.
I feel like I’m falling into some form of depression.
In high school, we were best friends.
In high school, my feelings for you grew more and more.
In high school, I loved you.
Almost three years have gone by since we graduated…
Almost two years have gone by since we saw each other,
Everyday, I think about you.
Everyday, my mind reminds me how much I did love you… how much I do love you.
"I’ve fallen from Grace, Took a blow to my face. I loved and I lost."
Being in love seemed to be such an exaggeration but ever since I fell for you, I know exactly what it means because I would do all those exaggerated things for you.